Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Oversharing and Being Yourself

I suck at keeping my mouth shut. Not about other people's secrets -- I take those to my grave -- but for my own stuff I have no filter. If you ask me about something personal, I will answer with as much tact as I can.

I think that is a good thing in that it makes me a better writer -- I don't censor myself. And I think it makes other people more apt to trust me, because I'm obviously pretty honest. This tendency to overshare has also desensitized me. I don't get embarrassed as easily as I did when I was younger.

But it's also a big challenge. First, there are some things I shouldn't tell people right away. I set myself up to fail, I think, talking so much about our struggles to get pregnant -- because when I DO get pregnant, I don't necessarily want the world to know until I'm pretty far along. Because crap happens. So when that day comes, it's just about going to kill me not to shout it from the mountaintops.

Second, it's a challenge because I expect everyone to be as candid as I am. When I find out that a friend has been struggling with something for months and they never told me, I feel a little betrayed. I get over it in an instant, because I know wanting privacy is not a betrayal -- but still, there is an initial sting.

I can't sit here and tell you honestly that I wish I was a more private or mysterious person. Because that's just not me. And if I've learned anything as an adult, especially as a 30-something, it's that being myself is the most important thing.

That lesson had the added benefit of teaching me how to accept my husband for who he is as well. I think us women all marry our spouses expecting them to change to make us happy -- while our spouses marry us expecting us to stay the same to make them happy. But I've learned to love Jeremy's obsession with comic books, his stubborn resistance to being told what to do by anyone, his passion for terrible headbanger music, even his night-owl nature. That all makes him Jeremy, and my perfect partner. That man was by my side through the worst experience of my life, and held on tight for the rough healing process that followed. I love him exactly as he is.

And I love that he just smiles and shakes his head when I overshare.

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