It's no wonder that we women are so fond of talking. Verbalizing things can make solutions emerge, identify problems more specifically, and cause epiphanies. Sometimes we keep things tucked away in our minds, and it's not until we start talking that those notions grow into solid forms -- and once they are solid forms they are conquerable.
The walk of humility is a gentle one. Rush it and you become insecure, refusing well-earned compliments. Resist it and you become prideful, taking credit for things that were God's doing. I'm learning how to walk gently right now -- and I had no idea that I needed that lesson until recently, until conversations made it obvious.
I have dived head-first into Scripture for reasons that are obvious to you readers, such as healing and hope. But also for reasons that might not be so obvious, such as finding peace and wielding a sharp weapon against the negative thoughts that constantly pound at the doors to my consciousness. In Christian circles, there are talks of "the evil one," and it can sound hokey -- but when you have faced down fear, negativity, depression, insecurity, and won some battles against them, it is easier to see how these things are life-forms of their own. Scripture helps me weld my doors shut against them, and gives me a sharp sword to defend myself against the ones who break through. They're not just words -- they are universal energy.
A couple of girlfriends and I meet at a coffee shop one evening every other week to study. Last week we were talking about how powerful the Bible is, no matter what spiritual discipline you are. If you are spiritual in any way, you can understand the power of this book. The historical relevance alone is powerful, but there is a universal/spiritual energy to it as well. Unlike anything I've ever encountered -- and I've encountered a lot in my lifetime of spiritual seeking. If you consider yourself spiritually open, pick a Bible up and see what I mean. It hums.
Both of my girlfriends at last week's meet-up joked about me being an "overachiever" because I've stuck to my reading plan, I generally do the homework for Bible studies, and I'm also doing a Scripture memory challenge this year. And I thanked them, but assured them it wasn't a choice anymore -- this "stuff" has saved my life time and time again in the last year, it has improved my life beyond anything I could have imagined, and it would be crazy if I stopped. And as I spoke I felt humility knocking me on the head, begging for entry.
Josey and I were also talking about my daily reading as we were shopping at Park Meadows Mall this weekend. She has started reading the Bible, too, and she was telling me how difficult it had been to get into the habit because her life was so chaotic. I told her how going a day without reading, for me, was like going a day without brushing my teeth. It just feels icky. Icky enough I just can't skip it, no matter how busy or tired I am. Reading sets me right. Again, humility knocked on my door and I didn't answer.
I went to Crossroads Church on Sunday morning, and guess what Pastor Kim was preaching about? The sin of pride.
I watched a Joyce Meyer video this morning before work. Guess what topic came up? Pride and humility.
Humility wasn't knocking anymore. It was pounding and screaming.
I don't consider myself a prideful person. Nor do I consider myself a timid or insecure person. But I work hard at life in general and I do take credit for the results sometimes when I shouldn't. God works in my life. Every single day, He works in my life. My healing, my spiritual progress, even the good habits I keep are all by His grace. I wouldn't have this book-smart brain, this photographic memory or this writing talent without Him. They are all gifts.
Lesson learned. Humility, you can go bother someone else now.